Thursday, April 30, 2009


I realized that life as we know it can slip away from us in an instant...... My "grandpa" has been slipping away from us for a while now, but it has deteriorated at a very fast rate in the last few months. Just this last weekend he was in the hospital for a few days and now he's in a home sort of, until he gets well enough to go back home. Yesterday he fell and hurt himself a little, so I decided that since I had a day off today, I would go see him. As I drove to Seal Beach this morning I couldn't help but remember how smart he used to be, this was a man who fought in many wars, and and one point in time while in indonesia him and his brother wresseled(I have no idea how to spell this) an elephant, the tusks that they retrieved as their "prize" still sit on top of their tv. in their house!!! I remember as a child I thought that was the coolest thing in the world, I remember sitting with him as he told us story after story about his travels, he once tried to teach us different languages, he learned to speak 7..... It's weird everytime I see him I hope and pray that he will still remember me, and today he does, at least I thought he did, until I realized he was reading the name tag that they had made me put on upon arrival.... I was sad to see how frail and tired he was, he told me that he was really tired and just wanted to sleep..... so I sat there with "grandma" for what seemed like forever, but turned out to be like an hour or so.... just watching him sleep..... she told me that she felt better just being there, it was so sad to see them both there, him too tired and "sick" to want to do anything even eat.... and her, too tired and worried to want to do anything! Eventually they brought him lunch which he ended up eating, maybe it was because I told him that if he ate everything I would give him a treat, a special something that my mom had sent! Then it was time to go, I was starving and I knew she was too, so we left him there in that lonely place to continue to sleep.... with the hopes that when we returned he would recognize us once again..... It's funny the first time I read the Notebook I didn't really realize or even understand what a person goes through when they develop dementia or alzheimers.... But now that it's happening in my world I realize how much it affects everyone involved, it is very sad to see that someone who used to know what you were all about, suddenly has no idea who you are anymore!!! :(

On a happier note, we ended up going to CPK for lunch, a place that we both decided on!!! We ordered salads and pizza, when the food finally came out, my pizza was missing a piece, I guess it got stuck on something on the way out of the oven so they were going to bring me a new one..... REALLY I asked?? We don't need a whole nother pizza I thought, but they brought it anyway..... Restaurant's policy we were told.... at that moment in time we were sad that there weren't other people with us!!! so this is what I ended up with for "lunch"

2 mushroom pepperoni pizzas and a house salad, kust for me!! we also had another salad, I think it was a thai one or something.... needless to say that I will probably be eating pizza for lunch tomorrow too!!! Oh and did I mention that I had it for dinner???? :)


DeBran said...

I am sorry you are having to go through this right now. My Grandma also suffered through it for years and it was so hard to visit her. She was so empty and lifeless. She was so sad, it was like she knew that nothing was right that nothing was normal, but couldn't figure out why.

maria said...

Thanks!! I think it finally hit me today.... there's nothing worse than watching people you love, and who you remember being so strong be so helpless, and confused all at the same time..... but lunch was good and we did talk about the fact that if he had joined us, there would of been no pizza left over!! hahaha!! Gotta look at the positives.... right?? ;)