Wednesday, September 2, 2009

confused, annoyed, thoughtful, sad???

So I've been on "hiatus" for a few weeks now, I know this..... I think for me it's easier to go into "hiding" when the "going get's tough!!! :-) and that's kinda where I've been, trying to figure "life" out!!! well with a few chosen outings here and there, so this is your warning, you may want to stop reading now, because it may not be pretty!!! ;) I have debated how much I should write, if anything at all, for a while now, and today was kind of a not so good day, so I decided that I will share a bit of what's been going on in my own life for the last couple of months, with the hopes that it will help me understand why I feel the way I feel, and also because in the last couple of days I've encountered people who have told me that they've missed my blog..... why I have no idea, ;) but thank you guys for being avid readers!!! hahaha..... plus I guess I feel like I owe people an explanation!! :) first off something happened to the program for my camera on my computer, so I am unable to download pictures until I figure out what is wrong with the computer, and I don't see that happening soon!!! ;)
so here my summer in a nutshell!!!! :) I found out in July that my cousin is pregnant again!!! That was GREAT news, especially since we weren't sure she was going to be able to get pregnant again!!! Baby Chavez #2 is due to arrive sometime at the end of February, and we're all so EXCITED!!!! I can't wait to start planning the shower, oh wait I already started that!!! :) I also decided to throw a baby shower for one of my co-workers, and I'm so excited about how ALL that's turning out!!! I should upload the invitation pictures from my phone!! they turned out so cute!
Sometime in the middle of July my cousin and her husband came out for a weeks vacation, mainly so they could tell my parents the good news about being pregnant, it was right around that same time that my dad ended up in the hospital, and we almost lost him. YEP it's true, my dad almost died, weird how one takes life forgranted sometimes, I know I have. I mean I still live at home and sometimes I don't see him or should I say I wouldn't see him for a couple of days..... Oh how things have changed, now it seems I can't get enough of the guy.... hahaha!!!
My family and I are grateful EVERYDAY that my dad made it through that ordeal, and is now ok...... :) I do have to say that that must of been the LONGEST week of my entire life, the first couple of days were the worst, filled with so many "what if " moments, and many moments of not knowing, I think it was 2 days before they knew for sure if he was going to make it! Funny how we all react in different ways, I ended up going to work, had to keep myself busy, my brother too, while my sister held the morning hour duties, I came after work, and stayed until they kicked me out, it's amazing how it took that little stint in the hospital to notice that my dad is getting old, my mom too! :( and seeing the man who in my eyes has ALWAYS been one of the strongest hard working men that I know laying in a hospital bed unable to do anything is heartwrenching..... that was probably the hardest thing for me to see..... but somewhere high above God decided that it wasn't my dad's time to go, and for that we will be eternally grateful, because we weren't ready to let him go either, I wasn't ready!!!! the weird thing about this is that one of my co-workers lost her dad to the same thing on the day that my dad came home from the hospital, I think that's when it clicked, WOW!!! it was VERY serious, more serious than any of us ever made it!!!
For years my mom has been the unofficial nominee in the family to start a prayer and light a candle when someone is sick, it's an ongoing joke with friends and family alike...... but we believe in it, and it works, it totally works.... so off I set to send out my prayer request, I didn't tell more than a handful of people, no need to put everyone out, just a select few!!! ;) I'm not sure what I expected?? Maybe more from some people and not nearly as much from others?? hmmmmm..... maybe that's my problem???? my expectations are too high??? then again maybe not.... so I think that I've decided that it's ok to be a little withdrawn and maybe sometimes a little selfish with my time?? this experience taught me that I really should try and spend more time with my parents, since I don't know when the end will get here, it is for that reason I think that I've also not blogged, the computer is outside in the office, which means I'm outside by myself, while everyone else is inside enjoying each other's company..... so I may not blog as often as I used to, unless of course I break down and get a laptop!!! :)
I know so far kind of a sad beginning of the summer, don't worry though, there have been happy times too, like seeing the look 0f happiness on my dad's face when he found out he was going to have another "grandchild" sometime next year, we think this was the turning point and what set him well on his way to recovery, that, my mom's candle, and all of the prayers!!! ;) then there was a summer time movie with Vides, we saw UP, she wasn't so sure about it, and visits with lots of family and friends, Ella Bella had a birthday, so her, Jessica, and I went and got pedi's and then off to dinner at Chik-a-fila... ;) and I can't forget about the candyland party so much fun... then Jessica turned 30, and that came with a spa day and a surprise dinner party at the winery!!! I can't wait to go wine tasting again!!!! Oh and I can't forget about the most amazing Angel's tickets Isaac, Tracey and I scored on, That one deserves it's own post!!!! wait 'till you see pictures!!! :) oh and somewhere in between there was a vintage summer picnic party, and just recently I attended the Jensen Children annual b-day party, that was a lot of fun, I got to see people I hadn't seen in ages and Todd and I got to stuff the annual cupcake in our mouths..... hahaha.... don't ask!!!
And there are many other events coming up soon that I'm looking forward to.... On september 12th my dad turns 60, so we're going to San Diego for the weekend, and he will have a surprise visit!!! ;) then there is my birthday, I never thought I'd say this but I'm ready for 31 to be over....... It's definitly been a roller coaster ride that I can't wait to see come to an end, and hopefully 32 is much better!!! and of course there are the holidays, I can't wait for Christmas, my MOST favorite time of the year, and then there is the nnew year, hopefully filled with new "things" including a baby and maybe hopefully two or three???? ;) we'll see ;)
pheeeewwww!!! I'm tired of writing and I'm sure you're tired of reading, but I do feel better, well sort of, It's funny today was a bad day for me.... I hate to admit it, but it was kind of a sad one, and all day I kept "adding" to the blog in my head.... funny how doing that sort of helped me "sort" things out..... WOW!!!! now if only I could learn to not take the things some people say so personal then everything would probably be much better!!!! That's a good goal to work up to... ;) and with that I'm done!!! :)